8/12 Wednesday Jokes🤣😆😂🤡✔🍧

1. Not dead yet
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying the casket. As they are walking the husband cries out, “Watch out for the wall!”

 

2. Small charges

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

 

3. Priorities
A woman joins a country club, and when she hears some guys talking about their golf round, she says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?” No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot…
Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m.”

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”

She’s there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.

They congratulate her and invite her back next week. She smiles, and says, “I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”

The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even-par round, despite playing with her off-hand.

They’re totally amazed … They can’t figure her out. She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.

This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge.

This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.

They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”

The lady blushes, and grins. “When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous,” she replies. “I like to switch back and forth.”

“When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his ‘willie’ points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”

The guys think this is hysterical.

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”

She says, “Then, I’m fifteen minutes late.”

 

4. Wasp sting
My wife was stung by a wasp between the first and second holes.
I told her her stance was too wide.

 

5. Brag, don’t
I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places
But I just left the gas station.