3/1 Monday Jokes

1.Gonorrhealize

“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”
“OK, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the doc soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

“But Doc, I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptom she has.”

“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.

“Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife now has it too.”

“Son of a bitch!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”

 

2. For my frog
A 14-year-old kid walks into a whorehouse with a huge wad of cash in one
hand and a dead frog in the other.

He slaps the wad of cash on the table and says “I hear you have the dirtiest whore in the county here and I want her!”.

“Top floor, last door on the right,” says the Madam. Twenty minutes later the kid is leaving and the Madam says “Hey kid, I don’t normally ask questions but… what the hell?”

“I just slept with a woman with every disease known to man,” says the kid “and now I’m going
to go home and sleep with my sister. And then later my dad’s going to come home and sleep with my sister.”

“Uh-huh..” says the Madam “Then tonight he’s going to sleep with my mother. Then tomorrow after he leaves for work, she’s going to sleep with the mailman.

… And that’s the son of a bitch that killed my frog!”

3. Ooh Canada

I just found out Canada isn’t real.
Turns out it was all maple leaf.

 

4. Sharing
A Guys sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili
The waitress says, “Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl”.

He looks over and sees that the guy’s finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, “Are you going to eat that chili?”

The other guy says, “No. Help yourself”.

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about halfway down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got, too”.

5. Cowboy

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, but the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, ‟What is that you just served?” The waiter replied, ‟Ah Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicles from the bullfight this morning. A delicacy!”

The cowboy, undaunted, said, ‟What the heck, I am on vacation, I’ll have some!” The waiter replied, ‟I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bullfight each morning. If you place your order now, we’ll be sure to save you this delicacy for tomorrow”

The cowboy placed the order and the next evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, ‟These are delicious, but they are much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday”

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, ‟Si, Senor … sometimes the bull wins.”