21/12/22 Jokes

1. What do you call a man who gives students money?
Grant

2. Hooters
Two men grow up together as friends. After college, one moves to Ohio, and the other moves to Colorado. They agree to meet every 10 years in Florida to play some golf and catch up with each other.

At age 35 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.

One asks, “Where do you want to go?”

The other replies, “Hooters.”

“Why Hooters?”

“They have waitresses with beautiful bosoms, tight shorts, and pretty legs.”

“Sounds great.”

At age 45, they meet and play some golf once again.

“Where would you like to go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Again, Why?”

“They have ice cold beer, large televisions, and side action on the sports.”

“Okay.”

At 55, they meet and play yet again. “So where do you want to go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“The food is pretty decent, and there are lots of parking spots.”

“Alright.”

At age 65, they meet again.

After a round of golf, one says, “Where should we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Wings are only half price, and the food isn’t very spicy.”

“Good choice.”

At 75, they meet once again.

“Where should we head for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“They have lots of handicap parking spaces, as well as senior discounts.”

“Alright.”

At age 85 they meet and play again. “Where should we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Because we have never been there before.”
“Okay”

3. How much does Santa pay for parking?
Nothing.

It’s on the house.

4. My wife minored in psychology. She’s always using all her amateur psychology when we argue.
When I fired the pool boy, she said, “Well, you know, you’re only firing him because he’s so young and good-looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you’re projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, because these feelings are just too traumatic for you to deal with.”

I said, “Honey…we don’t have a pool.”

5. A mathematician and an engineer play a game to get laid…
At the other end of this room,” the Game Master points out, “is a beautiful, young, naked, consenting woman. If you reach her, she will fulfill any and all of your fantasies.”

The mathematician and engineer both look at each other with excitement.

“The only rule is that each step you take toward the bed can only be half the size of the last step.”

The mathematician studies the situation for a moment, frowns, and then remarks, “Oh forget it! I know how this one ends. I’m going home.”

The Engineer also studies the situation, grins, and then begins walking toward the woman.

“Didn’t you hear me!” shouts the Mathematician. “It’s a mathematical certainty you’ll never reach her!”

“Perhaps you’re right,” he says. “But soon I’ll be close enough that for all practical purposes, it won’t matter!”