6/1/23 Jokes

1. A priest and a businessman were playing golf.
The businessman stepped up to tee and swung hard but missed

“Fucking goddamn to hell!” he swore.

“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain, my son.” said the priest, wagging a finger.

The sky darkened a little, but the two men didn’t notice.

Three times again the businessman swung, three times he missed, and all three times he swore and all three times the priest cautioned him. Unknown to them, at each swear, the sky darkened, clouds started to form, and the rumbling of thunder could be heard.

The businessman again swung, missed, and swore for a fifth time, with the priest warning him again. There were now forks of lightning with thunder. On the sixth time, the businessman swung and swore, the priest was about to warn him when a sudden lightning bolt came down and struck the priest, killing him.

As the businessman stared speechless at the smoldering body of the priest, he heard a voice from the sky: “Fuck me, I missed!”

2. 6:30 is the best time on a clock…
Hands down.

3. A man walks down the street in Soviet Russia and says to himself: “life here is so miserable”.
Two KGB agents come running yelling: “you are under arrest, we heard you”. The man: “no no, you misunderstood me.. I said that life in America is miserable.” KGB Agents: “shut up, we know where life is miserable.”

4. Yo mama so fat
Every time she’s about to jump in the pool God says: “Noah, get the boat NOW”

5. Dog
As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: “Danger! Beware of Dog!” Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.

“Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” he asks the owner.

“That’s him,” comes the reply.

“He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”

“Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”