8/1/23 Jokes

1. The doctor said I had Gloria Gaynor Syndrome
At first, I was afraid…

2. Dear Satan,
For Christmas, I want a cure for my dyslexia

3. What do you call a woman who thinks she knows it all?
Misinformation

4. A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table.
Walks into a bar
A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table.

“Comrade President! What is wrong?”

“I’ve been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can’t get any of the pieces to fit!”

“Da, Vlad, I see. Everything will be OK. Why don’t we lie down and rest? But first, let’s put the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

5. A man goes to the doctor because he can’t keep his food down…
“I don’t know why, Doc, but every time I eat something it just comes back up a little while later!”

The doctor examines him, and then says “I think you may be a good candidate for this experimental treatment I’m developing if you’re willing.”

“At this point, I’m willing to try anything,” the man replies.

“Well,” says the doctor, “since the food keeps coming out the same way it goes in, the way to resolve it is to start eating by shoving the food up your ass instead. That way, when it comes back out, it’s coming out in the right end.”

“That sounds absurd,” replies the man, “but if it will help I’m game.”

“Try eating like that for a week. Make an appointment with the receptionist on the way out to come back next Monday for a consultation.”

So a week goes by and the man is sitting in the lobby of the doctor’s office, waiting for his follow-up appointment.

He notices another man in the room with him who is jumping about, twitching and leaping into the air and flailing his legs about.

When his name is called, the patient goes in to see the doctor.

“So,” asks the doctor, “how is it going?”

“Fantastic!” the man replies. “I’ve been eating like you said for the past week and I feel so much better.”

The doctor makes some notes and then tells the man he should go back to eating through his mouth again.

As he is getting ready to leave, the man says “By the way… I know I shouldn’t ask about another patient’s situation, but I was concerned about the fellow in your lobby. I thought he might be having a seizure or something! He’s jumping all over and kicking the air.”

“Oh!” the doctor says, “That’s another one of the subjects like you in my clinical trial. He’s probably just chewing a piece of gum.”