11/1/23 Jokes

1. An LGBTQ cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives?
The flambuoyants.

2. I realized why girls like tall men
Because it makes it easier to crop your head out of photos when you break up.

3. Vladimir Putin loses his favorite watch
He calls in his most trusted officers and tells them to stop at no expense to root out the thief and he accomplishes it.

Three days later he asks for a report.

The head officer says, “We’ve made progress. Twelve accomplishes, after sufficient torture, have admitted their involvement and been executed. However, sir, we have not found the thief.”

Putin became enraged and said, “You lazy men! You call that progress? Only twelve men. Go back out and seek more accomplishes and conspirators! There has to be at least 100 more!”

Puzzled the officer asks, “Sir, what about finding the thief?”

A sly smile comes to the edge of Putin’s mouth and he partly laughs, “Oh you will not find one, I found the watch in my coat pocket two days ago.”

4. A man walks into a department store
He says to the sales lady “I would like to buy a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B.”
With a quizzical look, the sales lady asked “what kind of bra?”

He repeated “Baptist bra, she said to tell you she wanted a Baptist bra, and you would know what she wanted.”

“Ah now I remember,” said the sales lady, “we don’t get as many requests for them as we used to mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type.”

Confused and a little flustered, the man asks “So, what are the differences?”

The lady responded, “It’s all really quite simple a Catholic type supports the masses The Salvation Army lifts the Fallen the Presbyterian type keeps things staunching and upright.”

He mused on the information for a minute and then asks “So. what is the Baptist type for?”

“They” she replied “make mountains out of molehills.”

5. Did you hear about the guy who forgot to take his homeopathic medicine?
He OD’d.