13/1/23 Jokes

1. What did 50 do when he got hungry?
58

2. New Year resolutions:
(1) Stop making lists

(d) become more consistent

(VII) learn how to count

3. A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

4. When my wife gave birth I didn’t feel the dad jokes kicking in,
But my brother became a comedian overnight.

5. A beautiful large-breasted woman walks into a tattoo parlor…
A beautiful large-breasted woman walks into a tattoo parlor and says she really wants a tattoo but she’s short on cash and asks if there is anything they can do to help her. The sleazy shop owner thinks it over for a moment and says, “How about this. You show me those big beautiful breasts and you can have the tattoo for free.” The woman is extremely offended and says absolutely not. The owner starts to argue with her, explaining he sees breasts all the time and asks her why she won’t take that deal for a free tattoo. Exasperated, the woman says, “Look, I’m done arguing. I don’t like that offer. I’m not going to go tit for tat.”