14/1/23 Jokes

1. A blonde was driving down the road when her car broke
She notices that her cellphone battery is dead, so she heads to the nearest motel and talks to the owner

“Please, can you help me, I don’t have a penny on me, my car is broken and I need to make a phone call”

“I don’t run a charity, but if you do me a favor I might help you”

‘Please, I’ll do anything!”

“Anything you say?”

So the motel owner takes to a room in the back pulls down his pants and whips out his cock

“Go ahead!” He says to the blonde with a smile

So she goes down on her knees, grabs his cock put it next to her mouth, and says: “hello mom, are you there?”

2. A man walked into a bar and ordered a ten-year-old whiskey
After receiving his drink, he tasted it and flagged down the bartender, saying “I asked for 10-year whiskey; this is clearly five years old.”

The bartender apologized- “I’m sorry sir, we seem to be out of the 10 then. Did you have another drink in mind?”

The man said, “I’ll try the 15-year-old bourbon.” So the bartender went back and prepared the drink, bringing the man a glass.

He tastes the new drink and frowns- “I said FIFTEEN-year-old bourbon! This is clearly TWELVE years old! How DARE you!”

By this time, the bartender is clearly frustrated. He returns behind the bar for several minutes, then brings the man a new drink saying “For your troubles, this one is on the house, sir.”

The man tastes this new drink and immediately spits it out. “What IS this?! Tastes like human urine!”

“No shit Sherlock,” said the bartender. “So tell me how old I am?!”

3. So the doctor gave me these pills
And he said I need to take one pill every day for the rest of my life.

I looked at the bottle and said, “But doc, there are only three pills in here.”

4. When Chuck Norris tells a joke….
His fists are the punchline!

5. A dog walking down the street sees a horse and says “Hello.”
The horse looks down and says “Holy crap! It’s a talking dog!”