15/1/23 Jokes

1. Just Married
Following their wedding, the bride and groom retired to the honeymoon suite. Being staunchly religious folk, they had not been intimate, and the bride, being hesitant, watched as the groom removed his trousers. With a horrified look, she gasped, “My Lord, what happened to your legs?”

“Well,” said the groom, “when I was young I had a bad case of the Neezles.”

“You mean the Measles?” asked the bride.

“No, in my case it was the Neezles,” he replied and then proceeded to remove his socks. His bride covered her mouth in horror, saying, “The Neezles affected your feet too?”

“No,” he said, “right after the Neezles, I got a bad case of Tolio.

“Don’t you mean Polio?” she asked.

Frowning, he replied, “For me it was Tolio.” Not wanting to talk about it further, he dropped his boxers.

“Don’t tell me!” she said… “Smallcox!”

2. My Doctor says I’ve run out of Magnesium
0Mg!

3. A guy goes to prison
A guy goes to prison for tax evasion and fraud. When he arrives at his cell, he finds that his cellmate is this huge, mean-looking dude. The new guy nervously smiles at his new cellmate and looks around awkwardly.

The big dude then says “You wanna play mamas and papas?”

“Errrmmm…. no thanks…” replies the new guy.

“You don’t wanna play Mamas and Papas with me?!?!?” yells the big dude?

The new guy gets scared and quickly thinks to himself “Hang on. If we play mamas and papas, I can be the dad, and then I’ll be giving it rather than taking it”.

The new guy says to the big dude “O..OK. I’ll play, but only if I ge…get to be the papa”.

The big dude considers this for a moment then says “Sure! No problem! Now get over here and suck Mama’s big, fat dick!”.

4. How did Jada Smith get famous?
She is a woman of focus, commitment, and sheer fucking Will.

5. A blonde was visiting the zoo and reached the big cat exhibit.
“I wonder what these tigers would say if they could talk,” she said to the man next to her.

He replied, “I’m pretty sure they’d say ‘We are leopards.'”.