21/1/23 Jokes

1. Which body part never gets mad?
The scrotum: They know how to cool their beans

2. A snobby young couple was walking through Central Park, discussing their massive credit card and mortgage debt.
As they worried about how to continue their rich lifestyle, a grubby homeless guy appears from behind a bush. He says, “Pssst! hey! I’ll give you a thousand bucks if you let me lick your wife’s boobs.”

The couple was appalled and hurried away. After a few seconds, the wife whispers, “You know, we could really use the money.”

So they go back to the guy and follow him behind the bush. He tells her to lift her shirt. She squeamishly complies. He cups both her breasts, licks one, and says quizzically, “hmmm I dunno.” Then he licks the other one and again says, “Hmmm… I dunno.” This happens a third time and the husband, irritated by now, says, “Wha, What’s all this ‘I dunno I dunno?!”

The bum says, “I dunno how I’m gonna pay for this!”

3. I said to my boss the other day, “I need to leave early today, I’m going to be a father!” He replied, “Of course! Take the afternoon off.” When I returned to work the next day, he came to my desk, smiled, and asked, “Well, how’d it go? Is it a boy or a girl?” I shrugged, “I don’t know…”
“I’ll tell you in nine months!”

4. Today, my 10 y/o nephew proudly showed me a model airplane he had built.
“Not too bad,” I said, pulling out my iPhone. “But see what Chinese kids of your age can do.”

5. Mother Superior gathers all 100 nuns in the chapel.
“I’m afraid we have some bad news,” the Mother Superior says. “It appears one of you has been sneaking out and sinning behind the chapel walls.”

“I’m afraid we have some bad news,” the Mother Superior says. “It appears one of you has been sneaking out and sinning behind the chapel walls.”

99 nuns gasp, and 1 nun giggles.

“We know this because we found a used condom just outside the gates.”

99 nuns gasp, and 1 nun giggles.

“And,” Mother Superior continues, “the condom was broken.”

1 nun gasps, and 99 nuns giggle.