22/1/23 Jokes

1. What did one casket say to the other?
Is that you coffin?

2. Nuns are painting the chapel on a hot summer day.
Nuns are performing a much-needed renovation on the chapel. Today they paint… and the AC isn’t working great (that’s getting fixed tomorrow). It’s a sweltering hot summer day, so they decide that since they’re all sisters in Christ, they’ll just lock the doors and strip off their gowns and other clothes while painting so they aren’t sweating so much.

A knock comes on the door.

Sister Mary: “Who is it?”

From the door comes “It’s the blind guy!”

Well, the sisters all agree if he is blind, there’s no harm in letting him in while they’re nude, and it is still very hot so they’d rather stay nude if they can… so they let him in and lock the door again.

The blind guy comes in, sets some stuff down, looks around, and says “Nice tits, sisters. Where do you want the blinds?”

3. My original period joke!
Me: I have this bad habit of chewing on my lips till they start bleeding. IT’S REALLY BAD!

GF (on her period): Well duh at least in your case it’s just the lips bleeding…

Me (with the proudest grin on my face): Well technically yours is also just a case of bleeding lips heh 🙂

She had this mixed emotions of being disappointed and impressed while laughing.

4. People have been criticizing me because I put glue on my hands before handling my weapons
But sometimes one just needs to stick to their guns

5. Stealing guitars
Judge: It appears you were caught stealing guitars. Are you a first offender?

Defendant: No, it was a Gibson, then a fender.