31/1/23 Jokes

1. A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they’d rather bang
One of them says some big-name actress, the other says “Virginia Pippilini.”

The first guy’s like, “Who’s that? Is she a model?”

“I don’t know”

“Actress?”

“I don’t know.”

“Singer?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well if you don’t know, why choose her?”

The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. “Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead.”

2. Got fired from Rolex after spending the last few months developing a 50-hour watch for them.
They really did not appreciate the extra hours I put in

3. A man and his friend are in a bar enjoying some drinks.

A gorilla is also drinking in the bar.

One man walks over to the gorilla and punches it in the face, and the gorilla gives him a blow job.

The next day the guys are in the bar and the same thing happens.

The day after that the same guy starts to walk over to the gorilla but then stops and asks his friend ‘Maybe today you want to try it?’

His friend says ‘Sure, but please don’t punch me in the face first’.

4. Wayne Gretzky is going down on his wife, she cums all over his face and says messy eh?
He looks up at her and says loudly no it’s me, Wayne.

5. A Winnipeg man dies and goes to hell.
When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”

The man says, “No problem. I’m from Winnipeg.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then returns to the Winnipeg man to see how he’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the man is doing just fine.

“No problem…just like Winnipeg in June,” the man says.

So the devil goes back over to the thermostat and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Winnipeg man is doing. The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable.

“No problem. Just like Winnipeg in July,” the man says.

So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely and has taken his shirt off. Otherwise, he seems OK.

He says, “No problem. Just like Winnipeg in August.” Now the devil is really perplexed. So he goes back to the thermostat and turns the temperature down to MINUS 150 DEGREES. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place (meaning Hell) becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deathly cold wasteland.

When he goes back to see how the Winnipeg man is doing, he is shocked to discover the man is jumping up and down, cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the man what’s going on. To which the Winnipeg man replies…..

“THE JETS WON THE STANLEY CUP!!!”