28/12/22 Jokes

1. The wedding was so beautiful
even the cake was in tiers

2. why don’t Chinese kids believe in Santa?
They’re making all the toys

3. A man calls the police, upset that his toilet has been used and his house has been broken into.
The owner says that nothing has been stolen, and the police officer finds no signs of forced entry. “Why exactly did you call the police?” he asks.

The owner takes the officer into the bathroom and shows him the toilet bowl. “What do you see?” he asks. “A turd,” says the officer.

“Exactly,” says the owner. “I didn’t do it, my wife didn’t, and my mother-in-law didn’t. So I want an investigation.”

“I’m sorry,” says the officer, beginning to leave, “I can’t initiate an investigation with just a turd to go on.”

The owner is furious, and follows the police officer into the street, shouting: “What about the turd?!”

“Keep it for seven days,” responds the officer, “and if nobody claims it, the thing is yours.”

4. A man finds a genie lamp, rubs it, and poof a Genie appears.
Genie: I have the power to grant you 3 wishes but keep in mind, whatever you wish, your mother-in-law will receive two-fold…

Man: Ok. My first wish is for 1 billion dollars.

Genie: Your wish is granted, but remember that your mother-in-law will receive 2 billion dollars.

Man: That’s fine. My second wish is for a 20,000sq ft mansion in the Hamptons.

Genie: Your wish is granted, but remember that your mother-in-law will receive a 40,000sq ft mansion in the Hamptons.

Man: That’s fine.

Genie: Ok. What is your third wish?

Man: I want you to beat me half to death.

5. The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke.
After a really objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. The next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he said: “Good morning! Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in Alaska?”

Now all the female students stood up and headed toward the exit.

The professor continued: “Oh, ladies, please wait, the plane to Alaska doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

“We know, but it takes all of us and a whole day to carry your mom” replied one of the students