1/1/23 Jokes

1. I was on a date and she said you smell nice, what have you got on?
I said I’ve got a hard-on but I didn’t know you could smell it

2. My wife packed my bags and told me to leave . . .
As I was headed out the door, she said “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.” I said, “so now you want me to stay?”

3. A mother was teaching his child about the side effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She says “I want you to see this.”

She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, “what do you have to say about this experiment?”

The child responds by saying: “If I drink whiskey, I won’t get worms!”

4. How do you make Holy Water?
You boil the Hell out of it.

5. I bought a book titled “How to Solve Half Your Problems.”
I read it twice, and now I’m problem free.