3/1/23 Jokes

1. Why was Santa hacked?
Because he accepts all the cookies.

2. They say marriage is like a three-ring circus
First, you get the engagement ring.

Then, you get the wedding ring.

And finally, you get suffering

3. An Oil Prospector Died and went to Heaven
And St. Peter said, “Well, I checked you out, and you meet all of the qualifications. But there’s one problem.”

“We have some tough zoning laws up here, and we keep all of the oil prospectors over in that pen. And as you can see, it is absolutely chock-full. There is no room for you.’”

And the prospector said, “Do you mind if I just say four words?”

St. Peter said, “No harm in that.”

So the prospector cupped his hands and yells out, “Oil discovered in hell!”

And of course, the lock comes off the cage and all of the oil prospectors start heading right straight down.

St. Peter said, “That’s a pretty slick trick. So,” he says, “go on in, make yourself at home. All the room in the world.”

The prospector paused for a minute, then said, “No, I think I’ll go along with the rest of the boys. There might be some truth to that rumor after all.”

4. A warning to all you drivers at Christmas
Be careful about drunk driving as we are getting close to Christmas and police are checking on people.

Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went on the wine. Not a good idea.

Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the bar and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyzer tests.

Because I was on a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I’ve never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from

5. A herd of cows broke into a Colorado weed farm
Police and animal control are on the scene and the steaks are high