19/1/23 Jokes

1. A friend of mine asked me if there’s any swearing in Oedipus
I said there better not be, he kisses his mother with that mouth.

2. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one

3. Why do blind people get so offended by every joke?
It’s all dark humor.

4. They kicked me out of a Covid-19 ward the other day…
…because when I left I said “stay positive everyone”

5. Tree joke
I had a tree I wanted removed because it was too close to the house. I called a tree guy and he came out and did an excellent job cutting down the tree. He ask me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump ?.. He informed me that he was just a tree guy who cut down trees, If I wanted the stump removed, I would need to call a stump guy. I found a highly recommend “stump” guy and he came and got the stump out……He says there you go…I ask him about the hole……He says I’m a stump guy just removes stumps, I don’t fill in the hole……Long story short, He told me I would need to call a Landscaper……I get a hold of a landscaper and tell him I’m fixing to leave town on a trip and I don’t care what he does, Just fix the hole and make it look nice. I got back today and find out it he planted a friggin tree