23/1/23 Jokes

1. “When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat…”
the vowels.”

Friend: “Why?”

Me: “Sometimes.”

2. A pastor was on his way home from an oil change. On the way, he decided to stop at a church member’s house.
After ringing the doorbell the pastor was sure that he saw movement inside the house. He rang the doorbell again, and the pastor noticed someone moving quickly from one room to another. The pastor whipped out a “Several Steps to Becoming a Christian” pamphlet, and quickly scrawled on it ‘Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock”‘, left it wedged in the door, and left.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that the pamphlet was on the plate. Under what the pastor wrote was written ‘Genesis 3:10: “I heard your voice and I was afraid for I was naked, and I hid“.’

3. My wife was upset that the dog was considered a man’s best friend. She maintains that a spouse should be considered my best friend.
So I locked them both in the trunk of my car and drove around for twenty minutes. Guess which one was happiest to see me when I let them out?

4. The sheriff was abducted by a gang of outlaws
They tightened him up in a tent and let his horse free

Later that evening the horse entered the tent when no one was watching, the sheriff whispered something in its ear

Later that night the horse came back with a young lady on its back, she spent the night with the sheriff and left before sunrise

The next evening the horse came back to its master tent and had orders whispered to its ear, and came back late in the night with another young lady who entertained the sheriff and left before the kidnappers could notice anything

The third night the sheriff whispered to the horse: “listen well; I said bring POSSE!”

5. I went for the job interview and the interviewer said they are looking for somebody who is responsible….
I said ‘I’m your guy!’

They asked why…

‘Well at my old job if something went wrong, something went missing or somebody got hurt, they always said I was responsible’