5/2/23 Jokes

1. How is studying similar to masturbating?
If you do it a lot of times a day it’s not gonna be very hard. And when you finish it feels great

It’s easier when your teacher helps.

2. The Italian man says, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes in the end.”
The Frenchman boasts, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes.”

The old Jewish man says, “Well, last week my wife and I had sex too. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz, we made love, and she screamed for over six hours.”

The Italian and Frenchman were stunned. They asked, “What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?”

The old Jewish man replies: “I wiped my hands on the bedsheet.”

3. Why was the executioner fired?
He didn’t make the cut.

4. A woman goes to the doctor. With a massive stomach ache.

“Ok”, says the doctor, “please lie down on your back and let me examine you”. He proceeds to push her stomach with both hands and “BRAAAAB” she lets out a huge fart.

“Could you roll to the side” and she does as requested. The doctor presses down again and indeed, another “BRAAAB”.

The doctor then leaves the room and comes back with a stick with a hook at one end.

The woman jumps up in a panic and screams: “what the hell do you think you are doing?!”

“Relax”, says the doctor, “I’m going to open a window.”

5. What do you call it when two cephalopods do favors for each other?
Squid Pro Quo.