Ways To Make Friends/Meet People As An Adult

Just like the way kids in kindergarten usually make friends, don’t kill the kid in you and try to make friends with no intentions in mind (sex, dating, etc.), and let it just flow naturally. It’s not so much about meeting that special someone, it could be as simple as expanding your “real” social network. More social groups = more people.

Covid or No covid life is more fast-paced in the cities more than in the countryside where people can just stop and chat, hence easier to meet people.

And these days with social media and all, people seem to be a lot more closed off with interpersonal contact.

Don’t take this as me saying it’s a “you” problem. Modern life can be isolating and depressing, and a lot of people rely on tight-knit networks developed in high school, college (if you happened to go), and your first few jobs (I feel bad for the kids starting their first jobs remotely) to get by… only to be potentially replaced, whether in part or in sum, by your partner/spouse. So, the shitty thing is you may have to just buck the trend and put in more effort than the next person for an extended period of time to get by.

So how do you actually meet people: making friends, dating, etc.?

🌟 Using the same ways that people met before the interwebs. Parties, bars, work, volunteering, friends setting you up to meet someone, “accidentally” 😉😉 bumping your shopping cart into theirs at the grocery store, or maybe just walk up to them and offer to buy them a cup of “get to know you” coffee. Be creative.

1. Don’t Fear Rejection

Getting rejected anywhere doing anything Sucks, but … just keep trying

I often find the feeling that I can’t talk to strangers because it’s awkward / everyone else knows each other already more in my head than anything else. Usually, people are open to chatting, especially if you’re engaged in a shared activity (e.g., volunteering) or if there’s a “collision” (metaphorical, or even literal, in the case of your local Christmas-oriented skate rink). Worst case, they don’t want to talk to you, and while the rejection absolutely does and will always sting, I can promise you there will be others.

Being brave and approaching someone in a public place like the grocery store, mall, or post office can work. Realistically, being in public at all is the key.

If you want to meet people organically you have to not be afraid of rejection. If they don’t want to talk then cool! Try again with someone else and don’t take it personally. It’s a numbers game.

2. YOU: Compliments/Remarks/Questions

Practice, and try other questions/openers. E.g., remark on something the other person is wearing, or some dog accessory they’ve got.

Tony says, “A woman stopped in the park to tell me she liked my jacket recently. Would have grabbed a coffee if she’d asked. I compliment women I’d like to talk to in public, usually, something like absolutely killer boots, looking great and if they smile and stop, I’ll chat them up. Honestly, most dudes are so starved for compliments that you can just say something nice about our appearance to strike up a conversation.”

Don’t feel awkward going places alone. You can even tell people “I just moved here and am looking to make some friends / meet other people in the community”. That’s not weird or desperate, that’s how people make friends.

You could literally walk up to me and start talking about garden rakes while in a hospital and I’d entertain it. Not everyone is an isolated prude. You can open a lot of people up pretty fast with some conversion or a question. Or greeting. If they are not receptive.

Billy says, “Anywhere in public. just be open to looking like you want to communicate. I’m a single 33 yr. old dude. if a freakin nice gal smiled at me at Target or H&M or the grocery store I might actually be like hey I like Ur shoes I’m Billy Bob what’s your name. just smile at somebody that is also out and about solo. so many times, I’ll just glance at a lady and they look disgusted w me. I’m a solid 6.”

3. Dog park

Do you have a pet?

Here are a few questions that can be nice openers:

1. Do you know of any other dog parks around here?
2. Is this your first dog?
3. How many have you had?
4. Do you have a favorite breed?
5. I’m a new dog owner, do you have any tips?
6. Did you or your girlfriend name your dog?
7. Who does your dog like more, you or your girlfriend?
8. What treats does your dog like? I too enjoy a good bone…r. 😜🐕‍🦺😉😉
9. your dog is so well behaved, but avoid lies and deliberate misleading; if they’re actually interested, they’ll likely remember these details.

Just be cool to his/her dog, if the dog likes you, you’re in.

Can also try walking/taking your dog (s) to other places too … so you’re not mostly just interacting with the same folks over and over.

4. Festivals/Events/Concerts

Are you into music? Concerts are a great way to meet people. They provide a social in (chances are you like similar music as everyone else if you’re there for the band, so always stuff going on around you to talk about), plenty of booze, dancing, etc. You’ll definitely meet a lot of single people at shows.

Also, other good places could be fairs carnivals festivals street fairs, etc. but with Covid currently, I’m not sure how many are exactly going to be running.

Check out Eventbrite for whatever is going on in your city, and go.

5. Bars/Clubs

Maybe Not if You don’t drink or like clubbing, but if You’re into that and know the area well, i.e., You’re in your hometown, but might not be a good idea if you’re new to an area.

6. Mutual Friends

A recent survey looked at the stats for where people met their partners and something like 30-40% said they met through mutual friends. I would guess that this is still a viable option as you benefit from your friend’s prior assessment of whether or not he/she is someone you are interested in. That being said: I wouldn’t ask them about whether you are the type for him/her because we all get a little bit too well-meaning and supportive about these kinds of questions. Just make sure you are someone to actually have something a person wants in a partner. In the end, it is not all that complicated.

7. Sporting activities

Mary says, “I was active in my local running and triathlon communities. I met lots of friends of friends who had similar interests. We had plenty of opportunities to interact in our natural environments without the pressure of dating. I soon met the best guy in the world, we trained together for a race and were friends for six months before we started actually dating. We’re married now.”

Join a co-ed sports league. Those are usually pretty chill.

Sporting events – any sport.

Join an intramural sport.

Take up a sport. I play pick-up volleyball after work. Easy way to meet others and have conversations.

Tennis or pickleball! Many rec centers or racquet clubs have beginner groups, socials, and mixed doubles play.

8. Gym

Three of my best friends in the world came from me going to the same gym at the same time several days a week, noticing that they went at the same time, and eventually saying hi to them. Of course, it’s tougher for you to say hi to someone from the opposite gender (if you are hetero).

However, at the gym. Most people aren’t comfortable with being disturbed while they’re working out. I’m sure it works, but I wouldn’t be advising someone to join a gym for the sole purpose of meeting a potential partner. Of course not. You go to get stronger, more fit, lose weight, etc. And if you meet someone, all the better.

9. Clubs/Hobby Groups

🌟 Get a hobby that involves other people/forces you to be with other people.

Ask Yourself, “Would you be willing to acquire a new hobby in order to meet more people?” Find something that’s relatively popular in your area and give it a shot.

Doing activities, you enjoy is a great way to meet highly compatible potential partners.

Hobby clubs or clubs like:

1. Join a book club: Meeting weekly with people reading the same book means you’ll have something to talk about that you’re all reading. Even if you don’t meet anyone to date, at least you’re making new friends.
2. an art gallery (if you do tons of art)
3. Sailing. Get into sailing. Go to a yacht club and ask about their beer can races.
4. Cycling and running are full of fit people with decent personalities. But… you have to be willing to do it, too.
5. Pottery class, cooking class, painting class
6. Community theatre
7. Bowling club
8. Crochet club
9. Join a karate dojo or kickboxing
10. Hiking, it can or doesn’t have to involve others but you usually meet people.
11. Frisbee golf
12. camping (big one)
13. skating.
14. I surf and sail, so if I meet a woman while we’re both surfing or sailing, BOOM, there’s a great ice breaker plus a great foundation to build dating/a relationship off of. I’ve found that meeting women at bars is to hit or miss; we may have zero in common. Knowing you have something in common right off the bat is awesome.
15. If you have a car or motorbike etc., i.e. A Subaru; Join a local Subaru group on Facebook. We’re fanatics about these cars. Lots of the local groups organize meetups or group drives. Anywhere bigger will be a LOT more active. Just one example of interest groups outside of just hobbies you can get involved with.
16. If you’re into medieval stuff, look up your local chapter of the Society of Creative Anachronism. All of the crafting hobbies like sewing, painting, calligraphy, etc. are part of it, pretty much anything done in the medieval period is fair game.

Fredrick says, “Hobbies are my go-to for meeting people. I am happily married, but I did just move states last year. I am in my late 30s and all the people at my job were in their early 20s, and I just wanted some friends who were my age or into the same things. I am an avid rock climber, so I joined a climbing gym. Now I’m friends with tons of people that work there and climb there. I go outdoors with a few people and climb indoors with more. And on top of that, I grab beers with them too! I hope my example helps. Three years ago, I was terrified to climb when my friend brought me. Two years ago, I was terrified to talk to anyone new while climbing. Now, I just chat with everyone.”

Run club that meets at a restaurant or bar A class like an improv or ceramics, A group workout class Dance lessons like salsa or bachata A book club That sort of thing.

Form an in-person group/club specifically for people who do not care for dating apps. Get together and do activities.

10. Volunteer

Find your local community service center and volunteer – serve food, tutor kids (e.g., check out Breakthrough Collaborative), and donate clothes.

Google volunteer opportunities in your city that will involve other people. Habit For Humanity is a lot of fun and very collaborative and you learn real skills. Work with kids, work with seniors, soup kitchens, and fundraising events.

11. Religious centers/organizations:

You may not be religious (I’m not), but you can always find a strong (and highly welcoming) community of people at a church (pick one that’s lightweight on dogma/belief).

Religious institution. At the worst, you get some friends.

12. Shopping

It happens organically. My sister-in-law met my brother while shopping, they were looking at something or another and she just started firing questions – have you tried any of these brands, what worked, what didn’t work. They still joke about it she thought she was being pushy and he was just hoping he was giving good advice because he is clueless with tools. They ended up going to grab food and never parted after that.

Women, spend some time at the hardware store. Men, spend some time in the grocery store. And don’t run in and out, shop around!

Ladies, ok so next time you’re out shopping and you see a cute guy (preferably without a wedding ring on) ask him to get something from the top shelf for you. Thank you so much. You’re pretty tall, I bet your girlfriend asks you to get stuff from top shelves all the time -Oh I don’t have a girlfriend Blah, blah, blah you get the idea. We like being helpful.

13. Host Parties/Events

Invite friends, tell them you just like meeting people and they can bring their friends they trust too.

14. School/Classes/Seminars

Going back to school (community college) is one of my favorites because the adults that are there are generally there to improve their careers and for self-improvement, so it says something about the person. I met some of my really good friends when I went back to school since they were in the same courses, and we had an instant “in” for common topics.

Group workshops and classes.

Take some public classes.

15. Coffee shop/café

Try Cafe maybe? Met one of my really good friends just because she decided to strike up a conversation at a cafe. Bring a book or work. Become a regular. Make sure you look like you’re open to conversation. (Look up occasionally, make eye contact, smile). I mean, make sure you bring a book you really want to read so you get something out of it even if it’s not a conversation. But just make time to be in public and open to social interaction.

Go to a coffee shop and say hi to someone? That’s where I and a few of my friends go to study. A hello, a smile, and small talk can be a good work/study break.

Maybe frequent your local Starbucks or busy coffee shop, someone is bound to At least try :). Put yourself out there! You might like what you find.

16. Moving/Migrating

Absolute worst case, if you legitimately cannot find anything in your city to do (there are some towns like this), and it is possible for you, consider moving. I’ve done this before (as a bit of the last straw), but I was fortunate enough to be able to do it.

CONCLUSION

All of this; is to say that you have to meet people and befriend them. Many of them will be weak ties. Some will be strong ties. Eventually, through your weak or your strong ties, you can find someone to date. And the best part? Along the way, you will have built yourself a community. I was always shy growing up, but I did this in the first city in which I lived, and I built myself a community. It’s one of the few things I’ve done that still makes me feel proud. And, yes, I found plenty of people to date along the way. Hope some of this helps.